Self-reminder:

Please make a “My Year In A Review” post

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Bersjukur

Bentuk penghambaan seorang insan pada alamnya, bumi dan langitnya, elok indah pelanginya, terbit dan tenggelam matarinya, kicau burung dan rinai tawa. Pekik merdu suara lembah, juga teduhnya sang jagat raya. Setiap harinya akan selalu indah, esok lusa dan selamanya. Mengerti satu kunci semua: bersyukur aku cukupkan.


— F. A. , seorang senior. 

I’m just a friend with benefits. 

I’m not a person who deserves to be adored. 

I’m the unimportant bestfriend that is left away.

I’m no one to anyone. 

I am alone. 

I wish I could live alone. 

But the fact is I can’t. 

Because this world is filled with tons and tons of people and I can’t get rid of them. Because that would be so selfish of me.

I just want to be alone. Me myself and I. With no one. Really.

I want to cry, I want to scream. I want to run. 

I want to enjoy the nature. I want to hike a mountain alone without getting lost. I want everyday to be a sunny day with fluffy happy clouds above me. I want the beach, I want the woods, I want harmony, I want music, I want all the good things in the world. 

But I’m just a lazy pathetic ugly person who don’t deserve it all. 

Fuck. 

another insecurity (as always).

Perempuan cantik atas parasnya. 

Berdandan serupawannya.

Bangga atas rona nya. 

Berjalan santai tanpa malu di mukanya.
Kanvas muka ku adalah abstrak. 

Sesuatu yang tak bisa dijelaskan sekali tatap:

Bukan cantik, 

Tidak indah, 

Jauh dari sempurna. 

Awam berkata “buruk rupa”.

Banyak yang bilang “sampah”.

Lalu orang terdekat adalah penelaah karya. Adalah pengamat muka penuh respek. 

“Jelek juga”, mereka kata. 

Tapi dengan sopan, mereka bungkam. 

Enggan mengucap, hanya berisyarat lewat tatapan dan kernyit dahi. 

Berisyarat lewat kalimat janggal yang tak sengaja keluar.

Aku tau. 

Ku bukan seorang yang bodoh. 

Ketakutan dan ketidakpercayaan diri ini tidak berlebihan. 

Pesimis adalah realistis. Bukan suatu hal yang mengada-ada. Bukan sesuatu yang diada-adakan. 

Satu hal:

Kenapa publik, 

Kenapa orang

harus menilai dari muka? 

Kenapa penampilan? 

Penting kah? 

Oh andai bayi manusia terlahir tanpa muka

dan jadinya

kita semua sama, 

bahagianya aku. 

I hate me. 

I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I even hate myself. But why do you love me?